i can be adventurous take a shot at something new i'll prove it to myself and then i'll prove it to you that i can be adventurous sexy ladies on my arm! i've got my snapback on, i'm gonna knock em dead with charm. and i'm a little scared. 'cause i might burp or fart or need to poop. i hope my body hair is not a turn-off. they won't understand the way you do. i can be adventurous! no one knows as well as you you came into my life and challenged everything i knew. i'd do anything for us, so i'll do this for you too. i'll take my newfound skills and use em rather than enjoying the view. you showed me how to kiss with tongue, and i was terrible at first, but then i learned. you smiled, i came undone, and i gave thanks for every bridge i'd burned. bitter kisses with strange men had sewn my mouth shut. then you came to me, and i could only shout the truth. i'm okay now, i've never kissed a girl i didn't love. 'cause, colleen, the only girl i've ever kissed is you. i'm a little scared, 'cause not a soul could know me like you do. i'm a little scared, but at least she feels a bit like you. my heart's not with my head, every part of me is still with you. she wants me in her bed, but when the springs start squeaking, she won't laugh the way you do. i can be adventurous. more adventurous than you.

Well, that’s a wrap. God, what a whirlwind. My baby bird’s left the nest. My little sapling, out in the world. I distantly wish him the best. He is a picture that hasn’t been painted yet. Still, I can see it somehow. I’ve never kissed someone quite so untainted. What do I make of it now? I’m the ice queen, the advice queen. Mr. Nice Queen is long gone. There’s no dining and dancing, or prancing in the park, when head is a handshake and men only dance in the dark. But Ezekiel brings me bright blue flowers, and I’m a shrinking violet. A moment usually lasts an hour in my world, if it’s silent. I think of all the time I waste, so desperate just to fill up space. But all my words evaporate in the stillness of our sacred place. Ooh, la-di-da, la-di-da, laaaaa… And you’re running home like the wind. Darling, do you think it’s over for you? ‘Cause it’s not. Maybe you’re wondering if I’m all there is for you. I swear to god that I’m not. I’d never steal all the freedom you’ll feel while you’re young and the iron’s still hot. So live, darling, live and get all that you want. But you’ve given me these bright blue flowers, and darling, when I met you, I knew I’d haunt your dying hour, but, surely, I’d forget you. I’d be your first; you’d dip your toe. I’d have my fun, then, let you go. But how can I forget your face, and the stillness of our sacred place? Ooh... (Lights out.)

Well, that’s a wrap. God, what a whirlwind. My baby bird’s left the nest. My little sapling, out in the world. I distantly wish him the best. He is a picture that hasn’t been painted yet. Still, I can see it somehow. I’ve never kissed someone quite so untainted. What do I make of it now? I’m the ice queen, the advice queen. Mr. Nice Queen is long gone. There’s no dining and dancing, or prancing in the park, when head is a handshake and men only dance in the dark. But Ezekiel brings me bright blue flowers, and I’m a shrinking violet. A moment usually lasts an hour in my world, if it’s silent. I think of all the time I waste, so desperate just to fill up space. But all my words evaporate in the stillness of our sacred place. Ooh, la-di-da, la-di-da, laaaaa… And you’re running home like the wind. Darling, do you think it’s over for you? ‘Cause it’s not. Maybe you’re wondering if I’m all there is for you. I swear to god that I’m not. I’d never steal all the freedom you’ll feel while you’re young and the iron’s still hot. So live, darling, live and get all that you want. But you’ve given me these bright blue flowers, and darling, when I met you, I knew I’d haunt your dying hour, but, surely, I’d forget you. I’d be your first; you’d dip your toe. I’d have my fun, then, let you go. But how can I forget your face, and the stillness of our sacred place? Ooh... (Lights out.)

"vera, vera, vera, vera, oh my god, she's at it again," they say. making the worst decisions, always. "vera, vera, vera, vera, oh my god, what's on the agenda today?" only the worst decisions, always. always. (spoken) this fucking guy. MOVE!! (guy in car: fuck u, mean hot lady) ... okay, no, breathe. (stuck in traffic, vera scrolls mindlessly on her phone. her girlfriends' engagement photos show up on her timeline. she stares for a moment, conflicted. she puts her phone down, not particularly wanting to look at it anymore. she takes a big sip of her smoothie. she looks faux-content, until her face starts to contort.) bleugh. this fucking smoothie tastes like ass. artemis from yoga class was tripping balls when she said, "try this protein add-in, you won't notice it at all!" bullshit. nothing's going to improve. not my sex life or my moods. hereditary drug abuse kinda usurps all the merits of a juice cleanse. god, the shit that worked before is not working anymore. who needs recovery, when you're everybody's entertainment, everything they never want to be? i tried to learn some tact, clean up my tired act. but even sober, i'm still late. what does it matter, though? they love me 'cause they can't relate. tonight, i'm going out and getting spun. 'cause if i never get better, i'll go out giving the people what they want. aaaAAAAAAAAAAAeeeyAaha-a-huh. if i never get better, better, better, better, bah-baaauh. "vera, vera, vera, vera, oh my god, she's at it again," they say. making the worst decisions, always. "vera, vera, vera, vera, oh my god, what's on the agenda today?" only the worst decisions, always, always, always, always, alwaaaaaaaaaaays always.

(COLLEEN is working at the grocery store, stocking the shelves with cans of corn. she’s mildly concussed.) i don’t really know what’s right, i just guess and hope it falls into place. hell if i know where to put the canned corn. would’ve given kait a fright this morning, when i fell right on my face. whacked my head in the shower, but i’m not dizzy anymore. i’m sure it’s fine, no need to panic. in an hour, i’ll think, why was i griping to begin with? god, colleen, it’s not that deep. when i get home, i’ll have a wank, watch bakeathon, and fall asleep… ’til then, i’ll keep on keeping on, oh, i’ll just keep on, keep on keeping on. i just kept turning up the water hotter and hotter, bit by bit, ’til it all went black. and if you hadn’t left for work when you did, you’d have seen me, ass naked and ashamed, and worst of all, you wouldn’t have laughed. you love to feel responsible when i don’t notice things till it’s too late. and i guess i never planned my life for two. you’re so keen to witness every little stupid thing i do, and i’m grateful, god, i am, but, have we lost ourselves in moments that are… fictional, or maybe meant for someone else? but, god, i love you. i don’t love the weight of your heart in my hands, but, i love you, from your hope to your flaws to your plans. senior prom, i felt the urge to kiss so many men, to prove something or other to myself. to the girls insisting my place solely lied with them, while something guilty festered. i sat firmly on the fence. to them, i was the model of somebody who had learned to love my lot. figured it all out in school, came out at just fourteen. shouted to the world that i loved women, where the L word was a taunt. but it just ricocheted, because the L word wasn’t me. and I see all these think pieces penned by other bi girls, fighting to be seen, crying, no, we’re not divided or confused… but where, then, is my place? ‘cause now i shout it to the world, i love women, men, and all that fall in between, but still, i ache when I can’t see the future in one face. i can’t outrun the feeling something more is going on. it’s not pain… but every moment feels a little wrong. i’d chase it, i’d investigate, i’d change, if i were strong. but i just keep on keeping on, oh, i just keep on keeping on… i just keep on keeping on, oh, i just keep on keeping on, i just keep on keeping, keeping… (spoken, talking to herself.) oh my god, do i seriously have to get on the ladder right now? whoever bought up all the garbanzo beans, your mom’s a hoe. MATT: that would be me. COLLEEN: matt! (she startles and falls off the ladder, twisting her ankle and then looking rather… injured on the floor.) MATT: oh my god. oh my god i’m so sorry. COLLEEN: i’m fiiiiine. MATT: oh my god, can you stand? oh, shit, your ankle. COLLEEN: it’s fine… MATT: colleen, it’s turning purple, look at it. COLLEEN: i’d… rather not… MATT: oh my god, your eye… COLLEEN: oh, that’s… actually from earlier. MATT: colleen, what the fuck? COLLEEN: don’t fucking judge me, okay? MATT: i’m not judging you, i’m—… i’m just… (laughs) COLLEEN: (laughing.) fuck you! MATT: i am driving you to a clinic, though. COLLEEN: (protesting.) oh, come on! MATT: i know, you hate me, i’d be the same way if it were me. just… please… bear with me. COLLEEN: jesus christ… MATT: c’mere, i’ll help you up. COLLEEN: (she scoffs a bit happily.) (sung) i just keep on keeping, keeping on.